Four months...

It's been four months since my unforeseen return to the United States and I'd be lying if I said it's been an easy four months. Since my return, I've been battling depression, loneliness, and overall unhappiness. Not to say that happy things haven't happened during this time, but I have been longing for the time I spent in Japan and wishing my abrupt and forced retreat had not happened. Obviously I am not alone in my circumstance.

As stated, I have had enjoyable happenings in these past four months. I visited all my friends, joined a new martial arts school, and dated a nice girl. I was luckily welcomed back by one of my best friends, David. The very same individual who I was skyping with while the earthquake took place. He was visiting his family in Charlotte on a vacation from his home in LA. Him being there during a very troubling time help put my mind where it needed to be. Also, my other friends, Chris and Jeremy, made quick visits to make sure I was okay. Jeremy actually picked me up from the airport as my dad was out of town for Saint Patrick's Day. Something, however, was noticeably different about me being back. My friends had moved on.

They moved on -- as I expected them to, but my expectation didn't prevent my chagrin. Chris met his fiance and they are to be married. Jeremy is busy with work. David lives in LA pursuing his dream. Here I sit in Charlotte, doing nothing. To make things worse, a close-friend and I had falling out with-in two months of my return. I, ultimately, became very lonely.

Shortly after my return, however, I began seeing a girl who I had interest in before I left. We went on a few dates, those of which were a blast, but it wasn't meant to be. No fault to either of us (we're still friends). But, I made matters worse by becoming too attached too quickly. Who could blame me, though? I felt distant from all of my friends, I had no one with whom I could just chill with. I went from living with roommates to living in a dorm with 20+ friends. I got used to having people around. And going from that to no one was hard to handle.

The aforementioned falling out resulting in a precarious situation with my martial arts. Luckily, I had a good friend who welcomed me with open arms to his gym. I've begun training there regularly and enjoy the people there very much -- the training is very different than what I am used to and I look forward to becoming a better martial artist because of it. I'm also teaching the kickboxing there on the nights I can make it -- unfortunately it's about a 20-30 minute drive and sometimes I just can't make it.

Also, during this refuge period, I took a make-up class at UNCC to catch up on some of the credits due to the lost Spring Semester. Going into it feeling pretty disgruntled -- my fellow ryuugakusei refugees felt the same way -- we were quite surprised and, I'm speaking for all of us, actually enjoyed the class. The professor was quite awesome and seemed to understand our situation; he had lived in Japan during the great Kobe earthquake in the 90s.

Due to the earthquake, my future is in a state of confusion. I'm just not sure what I want to do or how I want to go about doing it. I certainly want to go back to Japan, but I'm afraid I'd be chasing a dream or idea that isn't real. Like, would I just be going to relive the happy times I had in Japan previously, or am I going for other reasons? Hard to say -- and unfortunately I'm the only one who can say. Do I want to forgo the return to Japan and just focus on graduating and return later (post-graduation)? Or, do I botch Japan altogether and focus on my Martial Arts -- perhaps opening a school after I graduate? What of grad school? So many questions and I can't decide what I want or can do. I'm not getting any younger, I ave to decide eventually.

These four months have been tough. I am still lonely -- I miss Japan greatly. I miss my friends, greatly. But, I look at the people in Sendai and realize my life is not nearly as tough as those that have lost everything. I envy their resilience. Although I am growing older, I still find that I have a lot to learn about myself and the world -- and that, plus my friends and family, allow me to find the strength to continue on. That, and the want to go to a Konbini again...

America, why I didn't want to come back... like this.

I am officially back in the US. Part of me is glad to be back, considering the chaos the country is going through one less foreigner to feed it probably a good thing. It doesn't make it any less difficult. The decision to return was not of my own doing. My home University pulled the study abroad program for all Japanese Universities in Tokyo and Nagoya for the Spring Semester. It pains me greatly to see it have come to this. Our decision to stay or leave was of no consequence; we should've be allowed to stay at our liability.

My Japanese was finally starting to click -- things were making sense. I was starting to truly take the language seriously (being surrounded by like-minded folk helped, a lot, too). Next semester I was scheduled to take an Intensive Japanese course, one that would be three hours a day, every week day. With that class, I know my Japanese would sky-rocket. However, now that isn't to be the case. I couldn't be more disappointed.

So, being back in America... What does that mean for me and my education? No idea, honestly. I am back, that is the only thing for sure at this moment. UNCC has yet to decided what is to become of my Spring Semester, we had some preferences and I chose Independent (but, still guided) Study from now till end of Summer Session.

I miss Japan and everyone I met there greatly. All my Koganei lads, all my Sophia brethren, all of them. I am surely lost.

Now, I have a few options... Sit and mope about being back in America or Make the most out of the situation. I have chosen the latter and have already gotten back to one of my passions: Martial Arts. It didn't take long, but I've already been back to the Dojo training. I am currently in the process of setting up several Goals for myself involving the Martial Arts to keep myself motivated and on track. More so, I've set up some Goals to keep myself motivated in other areas of my life as well.

Here are some of my goals.....

• Advance in my Martial study
• Continue to Study Japanese
• Finish my Comic/Manga/Doujinshi thing
• Focus on school (as much as my Uni will let me)

Now that I am back in the USofA, do I continue my "Gregor the Wizard vs Japan" idea? Or will this be the last entry? I honestly don't know yet. I've seen people, more motivated than I, stop such endeavors upon their return. I believe a few more entries are in order, honestly. The next few will be a series on my Spring Break (while it lasted) and my 大冒険 (Grand Adventure) with Aaron and Greg...

So Stay Tuned for those! Thanks for reading, people!

-Gregor 

It has come to this, people

Ladies and Gentleman, it pains me to do this. But, I am being forced to leave Japan -- through intimidation and coercing. I do not wish to leave, but my treacherous University has pulled my program. I know it for my health, but there is no chaos here. There is only a country working hard to overcome a disaster. It pains me to do this, but my University, as of yet, has not offered any financial contribution to my plight. So, due to this, I have created a Donation service using PayPal. The money donated will help me get out of Japan with my belongings and get back safely. Please know, in the event that my home University decides to fund my exodus from Japan, then I will refund said donations.

This is a big shot to my pride, but I do not see any other way. I'm sorry...

My dreams have been extinguished and cut short -- I am currently lost emotionally and really don't know what to do.

Thank you so much,

Ed

[DONATION CLOSED]

Any exceeding amount left over, if there is any, will be donated to the Japanese Red Cross to help them in this "chaos"...

The Plan

So, as it sits now, Japan and my future in it sits in limbo. With the Nuclear Power Plant (原子力発電所） melting down, radiation is a huge fear amongst the people. More so, the shortage of food and water makes life that much more troublesome.

Luckily, I live in a dorm where breakfast and dinner are provided. That takes a huge burden off our shoulders; for lunch, however, we are on our own. That's fine most of the time, but with the power conservation a lot of businesses have been closed -- from our local Wal-mart (called Seiyu here) to our McDonald's. Today they were open, thankfully. It seems most establishments are choosing to be open every-other day. Japan is amazing in its uniting around power conservation -- perhaps only in Japan.

Several of my Uni friends have decided to leave, which leaves me in a precarious spot. Do I leave or Do I go? (Isn't that a song? haha)

If I leave, I guarantee my safety from radiation, tsunamis, and further earthquakes. But, I will sacrifice a semester of my college career -- then I'll graduate in December of 2012 (My 111th Birthday!) More so, I'll be in danger of forfeiting my financial aid -- most of which went to lodging and my recent Grand Adventure around Western Honshu -- and am not able to pay it back. Lastly, if I leave, I can't come back (not soon anyway). Some fellow Koganei lads have left to return before school starts in April -- I simply lack the funds to do that.

Now, if I stay I will continue my studies on time, get better in Japanese (next semester I am joining the intensive class), and make more Japanese friends. However, I allow myself the danger of radiation, tsunamis, and further earthquakes. Since the major earthquake, we've had several aftershocks -- some of which strong enough to wake EVEN ME up. Radiation isn't a huge problem right now, the cloud is staying to the north and blowing northward. The tsunami, unless we're talking Deep Impact, won't get me. Earthquakes... yeah, those get me all the time. Also, in staying, I get to partake in the food shortage and rolling blackouts -- but, I have food at the dorm provided by Sophia University.

It's a precarious situation, indeed. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter. Leave a comment and tell me what you think. I'm making my decision at the end of this week on whether I stay or not. Keep in mind, I really want to stay; but, I'm wondering, is the writing on the wall?


Till next time, Wizards(?)!

The Quake to end all Quakes.

Friday March 11th, 2011. I sit in my chair happily reading webcomics, contemplating what to do with the day, already half spent. It's around 1:30pm JST when I get a chat message on Facebook. One of my best friends from the states, David, wants to Skype. Eager to see a friend I haven't spoken with in the past 6 months, we begin our Skype conversation. We speak on various topics, from women to martial arts, even touching upon earthquakes -- comparing our past experiences. Both of us had only felt quakes with minimum effect. This would become ironic by the days passing.
At 2:46pm JST -- 9:45pm PST -- still skyping with David, I feel an odd sensation and glance over at my Chinese lantern haning from a tack on the wall. It was shaking.
"Oh, I think we're having an earthquake..." I stated, very relaxed.
"You may want to get under a door frame," David replied, showing quite a bit more concern than I.
"Nah, It'll..." I was interrupted mid-sentence by the strength of the quake. The room was now shaking with such a force that it made it difficult to stand. I quickly ran to the door frame as David got an eye-witness account through Skype.
Holding on to the door frame, I glance down the hallway to see my dorm-mate, Aaron, holding his door frame as well.
"This is mental!" he yelled from down the corridor. It certainly was. The ground was thundering, creating a horrible sound as my room was being shaken like a toy. David watched helplessly. The quake had been going on for about 15 seconds at this point -- what seemed like an eternity. Rob wandered down the stairs, I beckoned him to come into my room. He did so, grabbing the other side of the door. We were shouting at this point. I look down the hall, Aaron was still there; then, the emergency fire doors close. These doors are massive steel doors that are closed via magnets on the wall. Once they closed, I could no longer see Aaron, that didn't sit well with him as I heard his displeasure from behind the door.
The earth continued to shake, as if he were a child throwing a tantrum. About 60 seconds into the quake, it tapered down. Adrenaline was flowing freely.
"I have never been that scared," I thought aloud.
I ran off to see Mount Fuji, maybe she finally had enough. She sat there, observing Tokyo from her distance. Silent. I returned to my room a few moments later.
David was still on Skype, not sure what to say. I laughed it off, but honestly I was terrified. I was shaking. I slumped into my chair.
"Next time, Ed. Just leave, man..." David's advice was sound. People were up and about, everyone in the dorm was quite unnerved, even the seasoned Japanese were not sure how to handle that.
Then, the earth wasn't done. It started, again. This time not nearly as bad.
"I'm going, man." I told David via Skype. I closed the chat and ran out of my room to greet some dorm-mates downstairs.
"Just an aftershock?" I thought out loud. Tak, a Japanese fellow downstairs from me, hinted that it probably was. They didn't stop. I'd return to my room only to feel more. I didn't know how to handle them. My heart raced every time I felt them. We had between 4 and 5 big aftershocks with in the first 2 hours. A few of us gathered in Aaron's room to determine the strength of the quake. We got varying numbers, but they were all above 7.5.
Outside on the Laundry balcony, a few of us gathered to look at the street below. Everything seemed to be in order. Tak then joined us and said, "I've never experienced anything like that."
"The fact you said that, doesn't comfort me, Tak" I replied. Quite simply, it made me even more terrified. I walked back up to my room and went to research how big this massive quake was.
At first, the news outlets were saying 7.9 then saw a few numbers suggesting 8.8. "Either way, that's huge," I thought.
The aftershocks continued, gradually getting less and less traumatic. At this point, my body was getting used to it -- a thought scary in-and-of itself.

Was it 8.8 or 7.9? Fucking hell... I'm still shaking and so is the earth...

-My Facebook status, 3:45pm 3/11/2011

The quake struck at 2:46pm 81 miles off the coast of Sendai in Northern Honshu, 231 miles from Tokyo. The next focus was the Tsunami. A massive Tsunami was soon to hit Miyagi prefecture and the north-eastern coast of Japan. From there the wave was heading to Hawai'i, the Philippines, Indonesia, and the western coast of the United States. Watch as the Tsunami hits Sendai...

The aftershocks didn't stop for us, they're technically going on still. All the while, a massive tsunami headed Southeast across the open sea at 500 miles per hour. In Tokyo, the trains were shutdown. No one was going anywhere, I was certainly glad to be in the dorm. A few friends of mine were out at Mount Takao, enjoying a hike. They realized what was happening when the got back to the station realizing they couldn't get back to Koganei. They walked home, all 36 kilometers of it. They got back around 1am. Others were stuck in Yokohama or downtown Tokyo. The one good thing, however, was that we were all accounted for. The Koganei lads survived the earthquake.

Now the issue moves from the earthquake itself and tsunamis to the Nuclear Power Plant. The plant, Fukushima, is threatening people within a 12 mile radius with it's deadly radiation. I am hundred of kilometers away and am in no immediate threat to the plant; however, if the winds change, then that could change. Also, to make things worse, they're predicting another large earthquake to strike along the "Ring of Fire" within the next three days. Hopefully, it will not come to pass...

As of today, the trains are back up in Tokyo, there is now a shortage of bread and food -- shortage as in the convenience stores and grocery stores nearby are sold out. The threat of a Nuclear power plant and an impending earthquake looms. Regardless,we lads will stay vigilant. We are safe.

Thank you all for the out pour of thoughts of well-being -- they truly brought warmth to my heart. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. I will keep everyone updated via Facebook, Tumblr, and this blog. Stay tuned!

TOKYO >> KYOTO >> HIROSHIMA >> OSAKA >> NAGOYA >> TOKYO

Hey people! Just wanted to let everyone know that tonight I am leaving for my trip around Western Honshu... I won't be able to update -- like, at all -- until I get back. So, for quick updates and blurbs check out my tumblr here...

http://estahl.tumblr.com/

CLICK IT AND BE ENLIGHTENED.

Finals and the Beginning of Spring Break

After the amazing Winter Break, we were greeted by Finals. These finals sucked. I had six "technical" finals -- three of which were Japanese related. First we had the oral presentation of Japanese which was a skit. The next day was Japanese Final Part 1 -- kanji and listening comprehension. The following week I had Japanese Part 2 and Religion and Society. Then two papers -- one 8 pages, the other 15 pages.

Overall, they kicked my ass. I have learned that I got an 89 on my Japanese final -- all three parts combined -- and I'm pretty stocked about that. I did shit on my midterm -- a 68 or high D -- and I'm glad that I could pull such a turn around. My Japanese, I believe, has indeed gotten better. Par the course for being in Japan, eh? I have yet to hear back on my other exams, but I did the best I could; ultimately, however, I am just glad to be done with them. I felt as if I never really caught up due to me being in the hospital. C'est la vie.

During this last month of the semester, we got to celebrate Evan, Noah, and David's birthday -- and we did it in style. Two friends, Takuya and Marina, set up this big meet up in Shinjuku where there'd be drinking and Karaoke. As the title bar above suggests, it was a great time. Two songs of great importance have entered our lives, one of which is Country Roads. That's right -- THE Country Roads, you know by John Denver about West Virginia. We as a dorm have taken this song and made it our own. The title bar above is of a picture taken during "Country Roads" -- specifically the "Roads" part. Did you know there is a Japanese version? Master film maker Hayao Miyazaki wrote the lyrics for the movie "Whispers of the Heart." You should check it out, it's pretty cool.

Here are some pictures from that infamous night.

Evan on Aaron's lap

David was very drunk...

This is called a Boat Race...

Jean-Claude and Johnny

With finals behind us, a somber moment hit us all. Some people were going home and not coming back... The people returning were Johnny Stowellman, Zach Chung, Jean-Claude Mueller, and Giuseppe Ingrilli. We, I'm speaking for the dorm here, will all and already greatly miss this "nakama" (comrades). We had a "Going-Away Party" for these guys... It was a very tough time... Our first stop was "Gut's Soul", our favorite izakaiya and nomikai place (Korean food and Drinking). We ate a ton. But, our rampage wasn't quite done. Next was another fan-favorite, "Alps." Although we aren't generally liked by the wait-staff, they tolerate us and we tolerate them -- a love-hate relationship. They hate us but love our money, we hate them but love their beer.

Myself and Noah

Australia flag (as it should be)...

We drank there until it was time to mosey back, making it before the trains stopped. We head back, but not without some mischief. Stowellman decided to represent Australia with Pride. See photo to the right then one below and draw your own conclusions...

It was a cold night, too...

 With that, the following week we said goodbye to all of these lads, no friends. You guys are awesome and helped make this semester the greatest of my college career and the best 5-6 months of my life. Thank you.




Spring Break officially started February 5th, and as today is technically the 15th, these 10 days have been WASTED. Well not wasted per se, but recovering. This break, a few of us have quite the agenda planned. On the 20th, an adventure begins. Aaron, Greg and I are heading to see Western Honshu (the main island of Japan) with stops in Kyoto, Hiroshima, Osaka, and Nagoya. We will be gone until the 10th of March -- with that said, I probably won't update again until after that. But, rest assured, I'll have plenty of pictures and great stories to tell.

Until next time, guys! Cheers!

-Gregor