As stated, I have had enjoyable happenings in these past four months. I visited all my friends, joined a new martial arts school, and dated a nice girl. I was luckily welcomed back by one of my best friends, David. The very same individual who I was skyping with while the earthquake took place. He was visiting his family in Charlotte on a vacation from his home in LA. Him being there during a very troubling time help put my mind where it needed to be. Also, my other friends, Chris and Jeremy, made quick visits to make sure I was okay. Jeremy actually picked me up from the airport as my dad was out of town for Saint Patrick's Day. Something, however, was noticeably different about me being back. My friends had moved on.
They moved on -- as I expected them to, but my expectation didn't prevent my chagrin. Chris met his fiance and they are to be married. Jeremy is busy with work. David lives in LA pursuing his dream. Here I sit in Charlotte, doing nothing. To make things worse, a close-friend and I had falling out with-in two months of my return. I, ultimately, became very lonely.
Shortly after my return, however, I began seeing a girl who I had interest in before I left. We went on a few dates, those of which were a blast, but it wasn't meant to be. No fault to either of us (we're still friends). But, I made matters worse by becoming too attached too quickly. Who could blame me, though? I felt distant from all of my friends, I had no one with whom I could just chill with. I went from living with roommates to living in a dorm with 20+ friends. I got used to having people around. And going from that to no one was hard to handle.
The aforementioned falling out resulting in a precarious situation with my martial arts. Luckily, I had a good friend who welcomed me with open arms to his gym. I've begun training there regularly and enjoy the people there very much -- the training is very different than what I am used to and I look forward to becoming a better martial artist because of it. I'm also teaching the kickboxing there on the nights I can make it -- unfortunately it's about a 20-30 minute drive and sometimes I just can't make it.
Also, during this refuge period, I took a make-up class at UNCC to catch up on some of the credits due to the lost Spring Semester. Going into it feeling pretty disgruntled -- my fellow ryuugakusei refugees felt the same way -- we were quite surprised and, I'm speaking for all of us, actually enjoyed the class. The professor was quite awesome and seemed to understand our situation; he had lived in Japan during the great Kobe earthquake in the 90s.
Due to the earthquake, my future is in a state of confusion. I'm just not sure what I want to do or how I want to go about doing it. I certainly want to go back to Japan, but I'm afraid I'd be chasing a dream or idea that isn't real. Like, would I just be going to relive the happy times I had in Japan previously, or am I going for other reasons? Hard to say -- and unfortunately I'm the only one who can say. Do I want to forgo the return to Japan and just focus on graduating and return later (post-graduation)? Or, do I botch Japan altogether and focus on my Martial Arts -- perhaps opening a school after I graduate? What of grad school? So many questions and I can't decide what I want or can do. I'm not getting any younger, I ave to decide eventually.
These four months have been tough. I am still lonely -- I miss Japan greatly. I miss my friends, greatly. But, I look at the people in Sendai and realize my life is not nearly as tough as those that have lost everything. I envy their resilience. Although I am growing older, I still find that I have a lot to learn about myself and the world -- and that, plus my friends and family, allow me to find the strength to continue on. That, and the want to go to a Konbini again...
